Kate’s Diary – Day 49

THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got a bit annoyed, I don’t understand why God doesn’t answer my prayers. I think I need a sign of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so painful and I don’t feel my life is complete and I won’t ever feel it is complete, if she doesn’t come home. Gerry came down later on to be with me.

Apart from a glass of wine, chocolate and this diary, there’s nothing much else to tell.

I LOVE YOU MADELEINE. GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X.

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Day 48 – 20/06/2007 – Wednesday

Another busy day of meetings this time in Leicester. No mishaps thankfully.The main meeting was that of Maddeleines fund where we discussed implementing a strategy to maintain our campaign to find Madeleine. It was agreed in principle to appoint a family spokesperson who will act, not just for Kate and I, but also on behalf of the extended family who have been liasing with the media. This appointment will take a lot of strain off family members who have been putting in such massive efforts to help find Madeleine.

We are delighted with the response to the 50th day balloon launch which will truly be a global event. There will be a few variations to the release of balloons however. In Ventura, Southern California, 50 white doves will be released and in Afghanistan kite racing, an activity banned under the Taliban, will be the order of the day.

Arrived back in Praia da Luz this evening and it was great to see Kate and the Kids, even though I was only away for a day and a half.

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Kate’s Diary – Day 48

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There is still no sign of Madeleine. I didn’t feel like it so I decided not to go running.

Went to pick up Gerry from the airport. It was so good to see him. Just before we reached the apartment we saw a man lying in the middle of the street, so we stopped the car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he was drunk (we’ve all been there!) but he recognised Gerry and me immediately. Gerry walked him round to his apartment.

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Day 47 – 19/06/2007 – Tuesday

Flew in to London to for a series of meetings. Helped a passenger on the flight who collapsed. He was ill enough to require a full assessment on arrival and went off to hospital in an ambulance.

Unfortunately shortly after arriving in London I had my wallet stolen which meant I was running late. I did manage to get to all my meetings which ran late into the evening. We had very good discussions regarding sustaining the search for Madeleine long term. The role for Kate and I in the campaign will not be nearly be so public. We have to balance any campaigning in the search for Madeleine with protecting Sean and Amelie and making sure their privacy is protected.

We are exploring the use of new media and using local advertising, particularly in Europe. There will of course be event driven media exposure such as the balloon launch on Friday 22nd. There are several other very good ideas being developed and a few large companies are willing to help us.

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Kate’s Diary – Day 47

TUESDAY, JUNE 19: Last night I didn’t manage to get to sleep until around 1am because I was so upset again. It’s so painful to be without Madeleine and I can’t stand to think that it could be like this forever. This simply cannot happen.

Good night, good night Madeleine, I’m longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X.

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Day 46 – 18/06/2007 – Monday

Kate and I got the respone we wanted after speaking to the Portuguese ploice today. We are assured that no criticism of our actions on the night Madeline disappeared was intended.

There has been a good response to our planned balloon release for Madeleine and other missing children on Friday and we are confident that over 50 countries will be represented.

The twins have really enjoyed seeing family who have been visiting us for the last 3 days- it has passed very quickly. Hopefully the next time we see them it will be with Madeleine.

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Kate’s Diary – Day 46

MONDAY, JUNE 18: I spent a few lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a sandcastle with a moat, getting big hugs from Sean, ice creams.

Shower, lovely meal and a little playtime with the kids.

(But as night closes in Kate’s anguish returns.)

I can’t stand living like this. It’s so painful and distressing. Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our prayers. PLEASE send Madeleine back to us. PLEASE.

I love you so, so much Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX.

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Day 45 – 17/06/2007 – Sunday

Kate and I managed an early morning run before church.

The first event of our longer term campaign will be on Friday 22nd June- this will mark the 50th day Madeleine will be missing. We will be launching green and yellow balloons from at least 50 centres worldwide to mark the fact that we are still searching as are other parents of missing children. Countries that are partcipating so far are Argentina, El Salvador, USA, Canada, Ireland, UK, The Netherlands, Germany, Portugal (Kate and I in Praia da Luz), Spain, South Africa, Kenya, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, Australia and New Zealand. . Any other countries that wish to partcipate can download information from the website.

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Kate’s Diary – Day 45

SUNDAY, JUNE 17: Cherie Blair (then the Premier’s wife) phoned to find out how we were.

We talked about everything in general, including about them leaving Number 10. She agreed as well to make a 20-second video clip for our broadcast on YouTube about Madeleine and children who have disappeared.

I also had the chance to speak to Tony (then Prime Minister) who told me that we weren’t to hesitate to ask him if there was something he could do to help.

On Sky News tonight they suddenly said the Portuguese police had stated that the crime scene had been contaminated—because of us—and that fundamental evidence had been lost. How dare they insinuate that our daughter’s life could be put in danger because of us. Very angry. Very upset.

I want to speak to someone now, but it’s too late.

I changed my mind and I sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese police family liaison officer). I don’t know if was a sensible idea but I feel really annoyed.

My darling little Madeleine, you know that we wouldn’t do anything to put you in danger.

I love you very much and I am in agony right now.

I only have to hope that God helps us all now and that he brings you back to us, safe and sound, very soon.

I need you to come back Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life that has ever happened to me. XXXXX

I ended up feeling very upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we might not get Madeleine back. I simply cannot face that. Tears, despair, rage, helplessness. I spoke to Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring her back XX

I fell asleep after 1am.

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Day 44 – 16/06/2007 – Saturday

Kate and I dropped Jon at the airport this morning and picked up some more friends/family who have come out to see us, but particularly the twins. They were certainly happy to see our visitors! After lunch we headed off to the local zoo. Relatively quiet on the campaign front today as it is a family day. Tomorrow we will announce one or two planned events to keep Madeleines disappearnace high profile.

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